For My Daughter

I love my daughter. I love her because I made her, and she is perfect to me. I love her because she's beautiful in every way. I love her because she is smarter than I ever imagined she could be. I love her because she needs me, and I will fight to protect her, even from herself.

I don't let her play with Barbie dolls. Barbie represents an impossible standard of beauty. Barbie represents a single race instead of diversity. Barbie represents style over substance. Her message is to buy, consume, and own rather than build, value, and create. Barbie leads to an unhealthy body image and a tendency to value the trite instead of the true. I will protect my daughter from this.

I don't let my daughter wear make-up. Make-up is a purely superficial affectation. It has no purpose and no use other than hiding something that is real under something that society says is beautiful. Make-up says that you must hide your true self in order to be considered beautiful.  Make-up leads to a distorted image of your own self worth as well as the worth of others as is evidenced by the popularity of "See what this celebrity looks like without make-up" articles. The point of these articles is sick: "You see. Without make-up all these beautiful people are just slags like the rest of us!" Make-up is sexist. Men aren't expected to wear make-up. Men don't have to hide their true selves in order to be considered men. I will protect my daughter from this.

I don't let my daughter wear inappropriate clothes. The clothes you wear help inform the world about how you feel about yourself and by extension how the world should feel about you. You will be treated only as well as you demand to be treated, and my daughter will not be treated as an object. Her worth is not tied to the approval of society and her sexuality. She will not be expected to parade herself to make friends. She will not degrade herself to fit in. She will not masquerade as a sexual adult when she's just a child. I won't let the world make her a victim. I will protect her from this.

So who is to blame for all this nefariousness threatening my daughter and yours? We are, the parents. 

Toddlers and Tiaras, Victoria Secrets' teen line, and baby bikinis come about because they sell well. Mothers of daughters are the main customers for this stuff not pedophiles, and fathers of daughters are the primary enablers.

The innocence of our daughters is precious, important, and temporary. We have to protect it for as long as we can, because eventually the world will notice them and then use all its power into making our children into what the world likes, unthinking sexualized consumers. 

My daughter doesn't like that I protect her. She wants to wear make-up and play with Barbie. She doesn't know that I'm fighting a war and that she is the prize. I hate when she's mad at me for protecting her, but I won't quit.

If they are to have any chance to fight the programming, we have to tell them as children that they are worth more than what people see. That they mean more to the world than a simple sex toy. That true beauty cannot be painted on, but must shine from deep within them. For this and this alone, I will protect my daughter,

From society,
From you,
From me,
And from herself.

And now for something truly offensive:

I Love You

Hello people of the world. I'm not afraid to love you. What do I mean by that? It means I'm a little different from most people you'll meet on the street.

Most people nowadays go through their day trying to desperately avoid connection to others. They make sure their kid's days are scheduled so that they don't have to talk to them. They get in their cars and tune out the rest of the world. They walk from their cars to their workplace without looking anyone in the eye. The get to work and hate everyone they see and everything they do. Then they go home and repeat the cycle.

Why do people do this? One reason is they don't think interacting with others is really necessary. After all what can some person on the street do to for them? “Can this person help me pay bills, keep my spouse happy, make my boss less of a dick, make my kids smarter, etc...? How can a stranger make my life better when I, the person living my life, can't do anything to make my life better? The thought that a person I don't know can have any real effect on me is ludicrous. Plus, I have like 600 Facebook “friends”, and none of them do anything for me.” The end result of this logic is of course,” Strangers don't matter.” But if that's true and we are all strangers to one another, then none of us matter, and nothing we do matters, and life doesn't matter... Nihilism is the order of the day.

The other reason people pathologically avoid connection is just plain old fear. People are afraid to talk to other people. Talking to a person you meet can only have two effects. Either you and this person will connect and find out you hate each other and you make an enemy or, the much worse option, you find out you like this person and you make a friend. If you make a friend, a REAL friend, then you'll start to care about that person and vice-versa. This is to be avoided. If a person cares about you, they may start to have expectations of you that you could fail to meet, and because you care about them as well, not meeting their expectations would hurt you. This is worse when it's your expectations that aren't being met, since nothing hurts worse than a betrayal. All roads lead to pain when you try to talk to people. The best thing to do is just avoid contact or limit all interactions to “Hi. How are you doing? Have a good day.” and leave it at that.

I reject both of these notions, the nihilism and the fear. I believe strongly that I matter. I believe that my actions and inactions carry weight in the world. I believe that we are all connected whether we want to be or not, and that connection is both good and necessary. I believe I need all the people around me. For example if I approach a man, shake his hand, look him in the eye, and tell him I'm glad to see him, I believe that man will feel better about life for a moment. There is a chance that small interaction may make him happy enough that he won't go home and fight with his wife like he was going to do. If I do that for him everyday, I may be able to prevent his divorce.

When I told my wife that one she said,” Isn't that incredibly arrogant to think you can save someone marriage just by talking to them?” Yes it is arrogant, extremely so. What could be more arrogant than believing that you make a difference? What can be more prideful than saying that your words carry weight? I'm not just some speck of dust floating on some muddy rock in space. I matter to the universe because I'm here, and as long as I'm here, I'm going to make as many people as I can know that they matter too.

As for fear, I'm not above that. I'm just more afraid of NOT being connected to people. Why? Because I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I know that people are the main reason I don't drink. Interacting with people keeps me balanced, helps me focus, and makes me want to be a better husband and father. Think about it. If you don't connect to people because you don't want to be hurt, then that means you are perfectly happy now. Are you? Is your life exactly where and how you want it to be? If not, then what are you really afraid of? Even if people don't matter to themselves, they matter to me, and that gives us all a reason to fight through our fears and love one another.

Nowhere is this more apparent than on Twitter. I love Twitter. It's like connecting directly to a person's brain. The ability to communicate instantaneous thoughts quickly is almost like a form of telepathy, and you can get to know someone quickly. This can lead to some...interesting conversations. Conversations the likes of which most people only have with their spouse, parents, or doctor. Some call this overly familiar or inappropriate; I say these are my loved ones and we'll talk as such. So, I'm sorry if I offend you when I compliment women on their boobs and butts and discuss adult themes(vaginas) with them, but I'm not going to stop anytime soon. I've met and befriended some incredibly cool people on Twitter. People I value more than I can really say. To Andi, Becca, Charlotte, the incredible Dev, Melissa, John, Kristine, Staci, my wonderful Wife, every member of The Village Hidden in the Pines, and all my follows and followers, you keep my alive everyday; THANK YOU.

So, in the end, it doesn't take long to care about someone, so don't be afraid to love. I do it everyday and everyday I'm happy about it. Though, it may look disingenuous to the uninitiated, so I submit the following affirmations.

If I type LOL, I'm actually laughing out loud.

If I RT you, what you said had value, and I want other to see.

If I star you, I putting you in my scrapbook.

If I compliment your looks, you are pretty to me.

If I say you are smart, I took your advice.

If I say you are hot, it means I would do you.

If I say it will be ok, I've been through what you're going through and lived.

If I say you are wrong, take it to heart; I'm not trying to hurt you.

If you think I'm wrong, talk to me and explain. I won't get mad if you don't

If I say you matter, you do.

YOU MATTER.